The Lost Boys
When do little boys grow up? Three times in the past two years I've been party to what I have (not so) affectionately dubbed "The Curse of the Disappearing Boyfriend." Three separate guys, all very different, all very mature in their own ways, who decided that rather than have the balls to call me, (or hell, even email me!) and tell me that they weren't interested in continuing to pursue a relationship they would rather disappear, as if I would simply forget the fact that they existed. They all stopped returning my calls, stopped answering my emails, and two of them have taken the steps to hide their presence on IM from me (As an aside: This didn't work... I DO have other screen-names that I use from time to time, even if you don't know what they are...). To me, this is the worst type of childishness. All three of these men were in their 30's with responsible jobs (one was a professor at a major New England university), who had every appearance of being fully grown adults. I guess I need new criteria for figuring out who's an adult and who's not.
Seriously... guys... if you're man enough to ask someone out, especially MULTIPLE times (in one case we had been dating for three months!) be man enough to call them and tell them that it's off. Hide behind your computer screen if you have to, send the email. Drop the IM. I know this is like telling you to face a hungry lion, and that it's a hard thing to do... but grow up. Be the man that you think you are. Your boyfriend/sometimes lover/date/whatever deserves the respect.
(Oh, and for those who can't read between the lines... yes, the most recent of the disappeared is Snowy. Goodbye, S. It would have been nice.)
Seriously... guys... if you're man enough to ask someone out, especially MULTIPLE times (in one case we had been dating for three months!) be man enough to call them and tell them that it's off. Hide behind your computer screen if you have to, send the email. Drop the IM. I know this is like telling you to face a hungry lion, and that it's a hard thing to do... but grow up. Be the man that you think you are. Your boyfriend/sometimes lover/date/whatever deserves the respect.
(Oh, and for those who can't read between the lines... yes, the most recent of the disappeared is Snowy. Goodbye, S. It would have been nice.)
It is so weird, Cully.
Are you channeling my life?
I could have written your blog (actually several of the recent entries) nearly word for word.
I have puzzled about this...perhaps a city thing...we being from places far away and quite different from New York. However, I think that it is only part of the answer. I think it is also that a lot of guys are just afraid. They are afraid of being responsible for anything (or anyone)other than themselves. Attention deficit (not in a medical way, but a socialized way) is also huge factor...too much stimulation and no willingness to give things time to develop.
Basically, guys are just big babies that can't enjoy what they have when they have it, but want whatever their eyes see.
Am I bitter? No, not me! :)
Antony
I'd be tempted to say that it was an NYC phenomenon except that the Professor was British, and living in New England, close to where I went to grad school.
The saddest part is that Snowy himself, who prompted this post, had the guts to part company with me properly when we were dating back in March. My theory on him is that he feels guilty over the events of last week. Truth be told, if he had just asked me to come over and roll around on the bed for a while, without ever bringing up any of this other stuff, I'd have been fine with that. (He's good at it!) Instead he chose to toss in the reconciliation chat so I'm feeling left behind.
Aww, so there goes my NCY theory. Does that mean the rest may still play a role?
Nevertheless, it is frustrating to deal with...and, I think, shows a real lack of respect for other people. It makes me realize that's it's not a terrific loss...since, I imagine that this is what they do on their "best" behavior, and I am glad I am not around for the "bad" stuff.
Hang in there...we'll find our way!
Antony