A Child Of Atom

File:001
Category: Boyfriend, March 1990 to May 1990
Met: Home
"L" Word: No
Age Differential: He-32, Me-18
significance: First Kiss
Reason for Break-up: Age difference

History: For obvious reasons I have been thinking about Ex001 a lot lately. He came into my life at a time when I really needed someone. I was just barely peeking out of my closet door, and living in a town with a population smaller than the average community college's enrollment. The idea of a boyfriend was something incredibly outside my reach.

We met on my 18th birthday. He was a friend of my mom's who had come by the house. At the time I was knee deep in an English paper and paid very little attention to him. About 2 months later, after my senior prom a lesbian friend of mine, who I now realize was trying drag me out of the closet, took me to a gay club a few towns over, and he was there. She went home early because (in typical lesbian fashion) she had to play softball the next day. I stayed, and Ex001 agreed to take me home. Instead we drove all over the county visiting obscure sites that he knew from his days as a county tax assessor. That night was my first gay kiss.

In the days that followed I was wooed in the most romantic ways that I can imagine. Each morning during his morning jog he would pass by my house and leave a small note on my car. I carried the first one with me all day that day, reading it and re-reading it so many times that the crease in the paper threatened to tear. Every time I read it I was almost aroused, and thrilled about the possibilities. It was in no way sexual, or even suggestive, but it was the promise of something to come.

We dated for a few months after that, me spending many nights at his place. He introduced me to gay lit, gay cinema, alternative music, and Anne Rice.

In the end he and I parted ways, mostly because I was on the verge of leaving town for college, and I think he was afraid that I was becoming in some way attached, or expecting to become attached. At the time I didn't understand that reasoning, but now, closer to his age, I can see his concerns.

He remains one of the most romantic guys I have ever dated, and I have every note that he left for me tucked away in a box somewhere.


Current Status: At last notice still living in the county I grew up in and working at the flower shop that he owned at the time. We have not spoken in over a decade, though I stopped by his shop a few years ago, trying to catch a glimpse of him.