Manners
There's a few things about the culture of the northern American states that I will never understand.
Okay... yankees. There's some things about yankees that I just don't get.
The first, and perhaps the oddest to me is saying "ma'am" and "sir." I was raised in the South there's certain things that you just... do. And saying "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" and "yes sir" and "no sir" is one of them. I've very literally seen people slapped to the floor for failing to say it to their grandparents.
Issues of child abuse aside, I was raised to understand that it was proper to say those phrases to anyone older than me, especially if they are strangers. It's become a ubiquitous part of my language, and I find it very hard not to say it. At home it is considered polite, and mannered to say it. For some reason people up here... okay... yankees... don't like it when I say it. In fact a lot of them find it insulting, and this is what I don't understand.
I was reminded of this today. A woman came by the theatre where I was working, a volunteer, I'd guess her to be in her mid 40's. She asked me about several things about the theatre, and about the show, and where it was appropriate to answer with a yes or no, it was followed by ma'am. After a while she said "You don't have to do that you know, I'm not that old." To which I replied, "Oh, I was raised in the south, everybody's a 'ma'am' to me." Shockingly, her comeback was "Well, it's pretentious."
See? I don't get that. How is being polite pretentious? Somehow, up here, being referred to as ma'am or sir is a mark of age, and not in a good way. In the south "respect for your elders" is an important part of good manners. NOT acknowledging that someone has lived longer than you, and by extension must be wiser than you, is considered "getting above your raising." (Which is bad, in case you don't know.) So how does mere geography change that?
Whatever the reasoning, I refuse to change. Saying those words, those phrases, is an important part of who I am, and whether the rest of the world knows or not, I'm treating them politely by doing so. After all, aren't manners all about showing respect for others?
Okay... yankees. There's some things about yankees that I just don't get.
The first, and perhaps the oddest to me is saying "ma'am" and "sir." I was raised in the South there's certain things that you just... do. And saying "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" and "yes sir" and "no sir" is one of them. I've very literally seen people slapped to the floor for failing to say it to their grandparents.
Issues of child abuse aside, I was raised to understand that it was proper to say those phrases to anyone older than me, especially if they are strangers. It's become a ubiquitous part of my language, and I find it very hard not to say it. At home it is considered polite, and mannered to say it. For some reason people up here... okay... yankees... don't like it when I say it. In fact a lot of them find it insulting, and this is what I don't understand.
I was reminded of this today. A woman came by the theatre where I was working, a volunteer, I'd guess her to be in her mid 40's. She asked me about several things about the theatre, and about the show, and where it was appropriate to answer with a yes or no, it was followed by ma'am. After a while she said "You don't have to do that you know, I'm not that old." To which I replied, "Oh, I was raised in the south, everybody's a 'ma'am' to me." Shockingly, her comeback was "Well, it's pretentious."
See? I don't get that. How is being polite pretentious? Somehow, up here, being referred to as ma'am or sir is a mark of age, and not in a good way. In the south "respect for your elders" is an important part of good manners. NOT acknowledging that someone has lived longer than you, and by extension must be wiser than you, is considered "getting above your raising." (Which is bad, in case you don't know.) So how does mere geography change that?
Whatever the reasoning, I refuse to change. Saying those words, those phrases, is an important part of who I am, and whether the rest of the world knows or not, I'm treating them politely by doing so. After all, aren't manners all about showing respect for others?
Growing up, I was raised to say sir and ma'am. I still do it. People get upset and think I'm being sarcastic because, and I quote, "You're just being sarcastic. Nobody your age uses those terms without being sarcastic." (I'm 24.) I still do it because it seems polite to me. I lived in Georgia for a time, but not for long. I was an Army brat, and so was my mother. But her family was from the south and she lived in the south for a very long time. Is it really just a Southern thing?
Cully it's about intention. Your intention when using those phrases is honourable and respectful. That is misinterpreted in the north, so if anyone says it is 'pretentious' or 'sarcastic' all you need do is say "no, it is about respect". If they complain because it makes them feel old, say "it is not about age, but about respect and it is the way I was raised". People should respect these cultural differences just as they respect physical differences. It's no different really.
speakin' of "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am", momma is flying in tomorrow for a week. do you need those stools? 'cause if so, she's coming to new york, too. call me.
Bravo,Cully. I will say that being at the age where I am on the receiving end of the yes ma'am takes some getting used to but it's nice to know there are folks coming along behind me who are being taught to use some semblance of manners.